Amandine Buchard – Status and Liberty

07/11/2024

Born on 12 July 1995 in Noisy-le-Sec (France), Amandine Buchard was between August 2013 and August 2016 the only Frenchwoman among the eleven members of the World Judo Academy, a series that I had the privilege of hosting for eighteen issues of the bi-monthly L’Esprit du judo and which also featured the Hungarian U57 Hedvig Karakas, U63 Israeli Yarden Gerbi, U78 American Kayla Harrison, O78 Cuban Idalys Ortiz, U66 Russian Yakub Shamilov, U73 South African Gideon Van Zyl, U81 Canadian Antoine Valois-Fortier, U90 Brazilian Tiago Camilo, U100 Belgian Toma Nikiforov and O100 Egyptian Islam El Shehaby. A précis of the symmetry, history and geography of sport. Of the eleven, ‘Bubuche’ was the youngest, the lightest but not yet the most tattooed. She was also the most tormented, finishing this Carioca cycle in exile in Spain, her body and soul battered by the fact that she could no longer manage to weigh less than 48kg, postponing by four years – and even five, due to the pandemic – the oath she had made to her late father to one day hoist the bib bearing their name to the top of Olympus… Now on the cusp of her thirtieth birthday, her neck girded with the dozen of Olympic, World and European medals that the early days of the World Judo Academy experience had promised, Amandine Buchard has agreed to open up in a way that is rare. This interview is as much about what she says as what she doesn’t say. At these altitudes, every word counts, and the days here know what they owe to the nights that precede them. The exchange begins in the winter of 2024, but it is also and above all the continuation of a discussion that began three Olympiads earlier. – JudoAKD#026.

A French version of this interview is available here.

*Montpellier, 25 April 2014. Interview in the warm-up area with a promising 18-year-old senior European vice-champion. Patrick Urvoy/JudoAKD*

Don’t you think that there is a huge difference between the Amandine of spring 2016, who, with a heavy heart, had to give up the race for Olympic qualification in the U48kg class, and the Amandine of February 2024, who is approaching the final stretch of the Olympic Games as a leader in the underU52kg class?

There isn’t a huge difference, there’s a galaxy of difference. Obviously, I’m still the same person, but of course things have changed. I’m firmer in my decision-making. When things aren’t going well, I’m no longer afraid to say so. I’m able to confide in myself and express things. Before, it was the opposite: I kept myself to myself. Nobody really understood what I was going through. I felt like I wasn’t being listened to or expected. Today, I express everything immediately. I make my own choices.

What helped you get through the storms (weight, injuries, personal life…)?

Medically, I’ve surrounded myself with caring people. The same goes for my club and national coaches. I have people around me who love me. The circle is now much smaller than it was in the past, and it’s important to have people close to me who I can count on in good times and in bad. That famous spring of 2016 allowed me to make a big selection because there were a lot of people gravitating towards me. Many were there for the Amandine who shines and wins medals. But when Amandine didn’t shine so much, had her breakdown and went abroad, a lot of people disappeared. The selection process took care of itself. It was necessary and beneficial.

The other major change is obviously the weight category…

Absolutely. Of course I’m still suffering from a few minor injuries, but it’s a lot better today than it was in 2016. Today, when I do judo, it’s first and foremost out of passion and desire, and not with the main aim of cutting weight, because that’s something that has hurt me in my life as a judoka as well as in my life as a woman. Not having to manage this any more has taken a huge weight off my shoulders.

To what extent?

My strength of character has increased enormously. I find it easier to know what I want and to express it. I’ve gained experience. There are things you go through that you don’t necessarily want to go through again. Things that, once experienced, deserve to be anticipated and avoided. A lot of things have changed. I’m proud of the person I am and the values that I convey today.

Despite or because of these lessons, you remain vigilant and this season you took a ‘precautionary’ break (if I’ve understood correctly) of several weeks after the Montpellier Europeans, in the mood of ‘he who wants to go far takes care of his mount’. Can you tell me more about the ins and outs of this decision?

Yes, I’m keeping a close eye on things. I’ve been through depression. I’ve been through some very difficult times. They caused me a lot of pain and convinced me that I had no desire to go through them again. There are signals that allow you to anticipate the fact that certain things will happen and sometimes get worse. I made a specific decision at the end of 2023, beginning of 2024: to cut out judo. Cutting out randori training sessions and competitions like the Grand Slam in Paris. These are atypical choices, outside the norm, but they were necessary for my well-being and my mental health. I came very close to a major burn-out. I made these decisions before the worst happened.

Why this caution, so close to the Games? Usually it’s at the start of an Olympic cycle that athletes take a breather, not in the home straight…

It has to do with the fact that we’ve had two Olympics in a row, one of five years with the pandemic, the other of three years with this particularity of the Paris Olympics. If you remember, I had already resumed in November 2021 in Abu Dhabi, just four months after the Tokyo Games – and I won that Grand Slam, just as two months later I also won the one in Paris.

It’s true that that post-Olympic break was short…

I didn’t hang around long because I was starting to feel a bit depressed after Tokyo.

What did you mean by that?

As I hadn’t made it to Rio [no longer able to drop below the U48kg weight class category, where she was French No. 1 and a European and World medallist, Amandine had missed the weigh-in at three major tournaments in May and October 2015 and again in February 2016, before resigning with a heavy heart on 17 April, three months before the Games, ed.], I’d made a bit of a mountain out of a molehill of things like ‘wow, the Olympics, the medal’ and all that… Yes, you’re in the excitement, the euphoria and all that, but in fact it’s all so fleeting. Once Tokyo was over, I felt an emptiness. And the sudden awareness that it hadn’t actually changed my life that much. I felt like I was starting to get depressed. And that’s when I said to myself ‘no, no, I’ve got to get back to training, I’ve got to get back to competing’. That’s why I came back very quickly. The thing is, looking back, I feel like I’ve had two Olympics in a row, and that’s tiring.

Especially as you’ve also got people used to you performing all the time…

Hell yeah! People are always waiting for you. You’re like a safe bet and that puts constant pressure on you. You have to perform all the time, all the time, all the time. Add to that my serious back injury, which has given me chronic pain. I’ve got a fracture of the L5 vertebra, which means that for the rest of my life I’m going to have to maintain a minimum of muscle tone in my back. But it’s the fact that I’m moving away and varying my activities that has made me realize that it’s precisely the judo rotation that’s causing me this pain… The truth is that the human body isn’t designed to be in pain. And associating this constant pain with judo didn’t do any good in reawakening my depressive factors. Add to that the approach of the Games at home…

That’s why you’ve gradually tried to lighten the programme…

And that’s it. Towards the middle of 2023 I started to feel fed up. In May, for example, I didn’t do any judo between the Worlds in Doha and the France team championships. Then, at the end of June, I went to Mongolia on my own with my club coach Nicolas Mossion, and I came 2nd. Same thing at the beginning of August. I won the Budapest Masters with three sessions under my belt. I didn’t do much judo, but I was free of pain.

In November, you still reached your third European final in three years in Montpellier, and your second title at this level after Lisbon in 2021…

Yes, but you have to remember that at this European Championship, for example, I had no desire to be there. None whatsoever. And yet I had some excellent memories of this venue: my first senior national title in 2012, my first European medal in 2014… I went through the day with zero pleasure and the feeling of having been a spectator… Feeling like that, just a few months away from the Games, hurt me. Judo has always been my passion, my source of comfort and well-being, and now it had turned into a source of discomfort: no pleasure, no passion, nothing. It was horrible. I felt I was heading straight for the wall and that’s why I decided to cut back.

It was radical.

You know, I’ve already been through the ‘do the Games at all costs’ thing once, in 2016, and I didn’t want to go through that again. And I wouldn’t have done it a second time, mind you… The Games may be in Paris, but if I’d had a complete burn-out, I wouldn’t have done it. My health, and in particular my mental health, is my priority. If I hadn’t had to do the Games, then I wouldn’t have done them, too bad. Because I know first-hand what it’s like to lose your mental health… So of course, before coming to this point, I took the time to think. I made choices. Atypical choices, outside the norm, which were not necessarily understood or shared. But that’s what suited my well-being and my mental health at the time. And that’s the most important thing.

What choices did you make?

I moved away from the mats and the Insep. I played several sports outside. I’ve taken up rugby again, squash, five-a-side, swimming… It’s done me a lot of good because I’m addicted to sport. It allowed me to do some and to continue training hard but differently and, I hope, intelligently.

When did you feel that it was starting to pay off?

When I gradually felt that glimmer of pleasure and passion returning. Everything I had in judo before, everything that kept me going, I was losing it, and that feeling of slipping away was terrible. Today, even if the pleasure hasn’t completely returned, I know that I still have one or even several sources of pleasure somewhere. That helps me to take a step towards judo and performance. I’m happy with the choice I’ve made. As soon as I’m feeling better, it’s clear that it was the right choice.

You start again at the beginning of March 2024 at the Grand Slam in Tashkent…

… Which I won, yes. And even if I hadn’t won that tournament, I knew that it was still the right decision to have made the cut. Because if I’d carried on as I had before, I’d have gone straight into the wall.

What would you like the general public to understand better about the reality of top-level athletes today?

I’d like the general public to understand that the life of a top-level athlete is not just about what they see on TV, i.e. victories and defeats. There’s so much more to it than that. Our daily lives, what we go through, how we feel, the sacrifices we make, the stages we go through, the moments of doubt, the repercussions, the external factors that are people, because we live in a cruel, harsh society. We suffer. They should be aware of everything that goes on around them, the press, the federations, our personal lives. We are asked to be so demanding and to excel at everything, and we have so many things to manage at the same time. People can’t even imagine 10% of our daily lives. It would be nice if they understood. When I read some of the comments on the networks, I think they don’t realize how much we have to manage and think about. It’s really addictive. Sport isn’t just about staying healthy. It’s also our job. Having a roof over your head, filling your fridge, providing for yourself and your family. And yet our sporting activities are threatened every day by injury, competition and under-performance. They should also realize that the post-career period is also difficult for us. There’s so much at stake. I’m lucky: today, things are going well. But there are athletes for whom it’s not working out, or who have contributed a lot to their sport, their federation and their country, and today they’re struggling. Today I may shine, but when I stop judo, maybe I’ll be struggling too. And yet we have contributed so much to our sport, our country and our federation. Being a top-level athlete isn’t just about maintaining our bodies and having fun. It’s much more than that.

You were the youngster/mascot of the team for a long time. Did that 2016 events mark the end of your innocence?

In any case, it will have contributed greatly to it! We must remember that at the time, the context was complicated for the Federation to let me move up because I had beaten the World champion and the reigning Olympic champion in the U48kg category. I was the French athlete closest to a podium or even to an Olympic title. There were times when my body really needed to move up a weight category, but when you are constantly reminded that you have an Olympic medal to go for, that you are young and that you do not yet have a very strong character, you over-respect the hierarchy. You do not yet have this awareness that saying no is not really a lack of respect, it is simply a choice to make in relation to your health. If I do not take care of myself, it is not the others who will. In those times, athletes are not seen as human beings but rather as pawns, potential medal winners, that’s all. But we are human. If the mouth cannot express it, the body makes sure that you are heard. In my case, it made itself heard [Smile].

Was it on your return to the Golden League in Chechnya at the end of 2016, when you shook up first Majlinda Kelmendi of Kosovo and then Italy’s Odette Giuffrida, Olympic champion and runner-up respectively in the U52kg category five months earlier, that you had the feeling you were moving from the ‘young hopeful’ category to that of ‘leader’?

The U52kg category were an obvious choice for me. Especially as two years before this European Club Cup I’d been able to take part in a junior World championship in this category, where I’d eliminated Odette. At this European club team event, it was good for me to be able to shake them up a bit, I admit. I realized that this was my ‘real’ category and that I could be very strong in it. I’d only just got up there, so I wouldn’t say I was a leader. In any case, I was already performing well, that was clear.

And what does it mean to be a leader, in your opinion?

For me, the ‘leaders’ are the athletes who are very, very regularly on the podium. They’re the ones who you know, as soon as the draws come out, will be there in the semi-finals. At the time, there was Majlinda Kelmendi from Kosovo, Natalia Kuzyutina from Russia, Andreea Chitu from Romania… It was really encouraging to be able to get past them, especially as I was a newcomer to the category, so physically I was a bit light…

What do you mean by that?

Well, when my head gave way to all the psychological stress linked to my weight problems, I lost so much weight in response that I even ended up at a weight I would have liked to have been when I was an U48! At 51kg I had better get under the bars if I didn’t want to get eaten in my new category!

*Abu Dhabi, May 19, 2024. On the road to a fifth World bronze in ten years alongside the faithful Christophe Massina. ©Emanuele Di Feliciantonio-IJF/JudoAKD*

You’ve had quite a few coaches and mentors along the way. Can you identify what each of them has brought to you in their own way?

For many people, the recent spotlight on PSG’s results is linked to the arrival of Damiano Martinuzzi, but I really want to associate Nicolas Mossion and Florent Urani with it, who did a solid job upstream. Nico, moreover, I had him in the Espoirs center. Furthermore, if I go back to my beginnings, it’s true that Cathy and Jean Mouette passed on to me the values of judo, both as a practitioner and as a person, and even as a referee, as they trained us in refereeing at a very young age. They passed on to me this thing of always wanting more – which I also had in me, of course.

How did all this help you stand out from the crowd?

It helped a lot, because I came from a small club, and I was obviously starting to get the big results, just by winning the inter-region minimes title! As a competitor, but also as an athlete from Noisy-le-Sec, it made me want to give back to the club that had given me my love of judo. I won my first international medals, at the European and World Cadet Championships, and at the France Cadet, Junior and Senior Championships. Then Cathy and Jean entrusted me to Nico at the centre, with whom I really hit it off.

You’re not the first to praise Nicolas Mossion’s teaching skills…

I think he’s a very good coach. He has a very good feel for judo and has given me great guidance. He took me to the next level. His presence at PSG is also what pushed me to go there, because I’m more of a family club, just like what I was lucky enough to experience for several years at RSC Champigny. When I decided to revitalise my career by changing clubs after the Tokyo Olympics, it was an obvious choice to join Nico, who was at PSG, because I knew that I’d started working hard with him at the centre and that he could help me a lot before the Paris Games.

You worked a lot with Christophe Massina at national level…

He gave me a huge amount and still does today. Totof saw me around 2011 or 2012. I had him as a junior then senior coach. I really missed him at the Tokyo Olympics. I saw him with the boys and all I could hope for was that after Tokyo he’d be back with the girls. So when I heard he was coming back, I immediately wanted to work with him. Totof was one of the coaches who made the biggest impression on me and helped me the most, both in judo and on a psychological level, because he knows me very, very well… Séverine Vandenhende was also with me for a short period to help me get ready for Tokyo, even though I switched back to Larbi Benboudaoud because Séverine was following Astride Gneto, but she always had a kind message for me. During the Olympics, she was invaluable. She suggested that we go for a walk in the village two days before my competition to find out what my psychological state was, whether I was doing well, whether I had everything I needed, and above all not to hesitate if I needed anything… Not all coaches would have done that.

During your difficult period in 2016, it was in Spain that you got back on your feet…

Sugoi Uriarte at Valencia was fantastic, and I never miss an opportunity to mention his contribution, particularly in my Internet publications. After a ground skill I won with at the European championships, I signed him on the social networks because I’d mastered it with him. And I think that if so many French people now come to him to train, it’s also because I gave him good publicity… Audrey Bonhomme too, who helped me a lot when I was in Champigny. If I stayed in Champigny for a long time, even though I was already thinking of leaving, it was also because Audrey took time out from her job as an executive at the SNCF and as a mother to come and teach me technique at the club from time to time.

You are part of a generation that is uninhibited about foreign languages, in constant interaction with athletes from other countries or other sports via social networks. What are the encounters, trips or significant moments that you probably wouldn’t have been able to experience if you hadn’t been a top athlete?

I sometimes regretted not having invested more in foreign languages at school. I find that in France we don’t value these courses enough. We have so many hours of lessons that we neglect these topics. I learned on the job with the high level. I made up for it: I learned Spanish on my own. It’s the affinities between athletes or between athletes and coaches that make the difference. It’s these affinities that push you to want to be more precise in order to communicate better. It allowed me to make great discoveries and encounters. That’s what’s great about my sport: on the mat, we have a blast, but off the mat, with the same people, we can go for a drink, eat something or even go on holidays. We know how to distinguish between the moments of fighting and the moments when we enjoy life. This allowed me to have this second family in Spain, to go to Italy to see Maria Centracchio and spend time with my friends Alice Bellandi, Odette Giuffrida and many others… English allowed me to go to Bosnia-Herzegovina to help my friend Nemanja Majdov with his academy, and therefore to communicate in English, to do interviews in English. I have a story with many chapters and volumes, I’m missing some basics and vocabulary. I’d like to learn Italian and consolidate my Spanish. Anyway it’s a real pride to be able to experience all that and help my friends.

How did you get through the double challenge of lockdown and the postponement of the Games? What helped you hold on?

It was a very, very, very, very complicated period for me… Remember: I didn’t do the Rio Games for the reasons you know. Now, at the Tokyo Olympics and in my new category of the U52kg category, I have everything going for me: European and World medalist, World number 1 for three and a half years. In short, all the lights are green and I can’t wait to finish it off with the Games. Then comes Covid, you hear that people are dying – plus I’m a hypochondriac so forget about the stress… Right from the start, you only think about the Games. You say to yourself « damn no, not that close, it’s not possible« … The hardest part is the uncertainty. One day it’s « yes we’ll do them« , another day « no« , « yes but it’ll be postponed« , and then actually « no« … Emotionally it’s horrible. It affects you. Every time you try to put things into perspective, you tell yourself that it will give you more time to be ready, that it will work… Sure you’ll have crazy health conditions but « be aware of your luck to be able to do them« … You always have that little voice. And when you’re told that it might not happen, then you say to yourself « but no it’s not possible… » At one point I came to wonder if I wasn’t simply cursed. A Tantalus torture, you know… And it’s true that I started to have a bit of a breakdown. On top of that I was in Champigny in an apartment, confined alone. No balcony, no garden. Very hard, with a chaotic rhythm to boot. I couldn’t sleep at night, so I could see the day dawning. After a while my body would give out so I would fall back asleep. So the rhythm was completely messed up.

How did you get back on your feet?

Quite simply by deciding to. One day I told myself that I was heading straight for a brick wall and that I couldn’t continue like that. What helped me get back on my feet was that we were gradually able to order again using Internet apps. I was able to order sports equipment. So I started doing a lot of sports at home. Sometimes I was doing three sessions a day, forget it, it was crazy. In any case, it helped me.

And intellectually, what did you hold on to?

During Covid, I was preparing for my DESJEPS (State Diploma in Youth, Popular Education and Sport) and it gave me a break. I told myself that by getting back to that, it would give me a framework, and that’s what would help me get back on my feet. The theory, the presentation of the file, I did it by video. I was super happy because I was able to validate my diploma at the same time as everyone was going out. It saved my lockdown.

Paris Olympics, July 28, 2024. As at the 2023 and 2024 World Championships, Amandine Buchard deprives the Hungarian Reka Pupp, already 5th at the Tokyo Games, of a global podium that stubbornly eludes her. ©Paco Lozano/JudoAKD

For a long time, you celebrated your victories with moving bursts of tears. That’s less often the case today. Why is that?

I don’t know why. At this Olympiad, I’d say that I’ve detached myself a little from judo emotionally. Before, I’d put my heart and soul into it. I ate judo, I slept judo, I did everything judo. The advantage is that you do everything to the hilt and that helps motivate you on a daily basis. When it’s hard, it gives you strength. In this case, I felt like I’d been doing it for eight years without any real break. At the same time, you realize that there are other things besides judo and that can be a double-edged sword because everything has a big impact on you. Because when judo is all you have and you’ve interiorized the fact that things can’t go right all the time, the day things don’t go right in judo, well, nothing goes right any more.

How did you cope when it happened?

I protected myself, consciously or unconsciously. I suddenly realized that there are lots of other things where I can be fulfilled and happy and that can do me good… Unconsciously, because I was in that overflow, I rejected it. I didn’t have the same emotional intensity towards judo… All this put together, that’s probably why there are fewer tears on my cheeks today than before.

When did you make the switch?

At the previous Olympic cycle, I had everything to prove. It was a constant battle to earn myself a place in the U52kg category after moving up. Inevitably there are tears, because little by little you get closer to your goal. Now that I’m well established in my category, it’s less of a surprise to see me win a Grand Slam, to be European champion… Sometimes it even loses its taste in the sense that, sometimes, I say to myself that I regret a bit those moments when I really expressed my emotions. On some competitions you get so caught up in the idea that you have to perform and that it’s commonplace for you to do so. After a while you almost lose that appreciation of the work you’ve done. So I think there’s a bit of that too. You get out of this bubble where the abnormal is your normality. Eventually you stop valuing yourself because that’s the way it was supposed to be. I don’t know if you understand what I mean?

I think so… You were talking about an important discussion you had with Séverine Vandenhende in 2021 in Tokyo. Have you had other important discussions like that, the kind that make you reconsider things completely?

At the end of 2023, when things weren’t going well and I was heading straight for the wall. After the Montpellier announcements there was a lot of tension and misunderstanding within the team. For my part, I was saturated. Laurent Rocco, my mental coach, encouraged me to see my psychologist Meriem Salmi again and recharge my batteries. Then I eat with Totof and my agent and confidante Khadija Labhih. The tears come. I can feel that I’m not doing well at all.

What’s wrong?

I’d been through the dead end of the Rio Olympics, when I’d wanted to do the Games at all costs and had to give up because I couldn’t make the weight. Then I was in a cold sweat when the Tokyo Games were postponed, in the mood of ‘the Games don’t want me, that’s for sure’. I didn’t want to go through that again. I needed to get away from the group and the club. I needed to think about myself.

How did Christophe Massina react?

Totof was a great listener and still is. He’s someone who doesn’t do what everyone else does, who’s capable of putting himself at risk for you. It could have been complicated for him to take that on. But he put his foot down and went along with me.

How did it all work out?

I had very good medical care. I didn’t do judo any more, just my preparation with Totof. He even went so far as to come and play squash with me, a discipline in which I was lucky enough to be able to practice with Camille Serme, who is a multiple European champion. I played five-a-side and rugby – with instructions not to make any tackles because Totof didn’t want me to take too many risks, but you know what it’s like in the heat of the moment… At first he didn’t know I was playing matches either. He eventually found out because the federations talk to each other, of course. When he found out, he said to me: ‘Well, we can’t forbid you. If it’s good for you, so much the better. Just be careful‘. I’m very lucky to have him as someone to talk to, I know that.

When you decide to take this break in the middle of an Olympic year, do you set yourself a deadline?

Already, from the beginning I was certain that I would not do the Grand Slam in Paris in February. Too many expectations, too much pressure and, above all, I had not done judo… I resume the week before the Grand Slam in Uzbekistan, where I registered on March 1st. Three days of training in Valencia. When I land in Tashkent, the French staff had not seen me do judo for several months. I win and suddenly I feel like I have been freed from an immense weight.

What do you mean?

I mean, if I had lost, I would have been in a lot of trouble and Totof too. If I win it is for me but also for both of us and for this trust and time that he was able to give me… Incidentally, I confirm that even when I am weak and poorly trained I manage to perform. It’s a real lesson.

After their career, some athletes nostalgically remember competitions where they were “in the zone”, like everything seems easy. Has that ever happened to you, those competitions where everything seems to flow naturally and everything seems obvious?

I felt “in the zone” during my first European title, in 2021 in Lisbon. I beat the Italian Giuffrida and nothing could have happened to me that day. Nothing. When you’re in that state, you’re certain not only that you’ll go all the way – you don’t even think about that, in fact – but that all your decisions are the right ones… On a different note, I was close to feeling that a few months later at the Tokyo Games, even though I lost in the final to the Japanese Uta Abe.

About Uta Abe, I imagine that her emotion at the last Paris Olympics after her elimination by the Uzbek Keldiyorova did not leave you indifferent, even if you were still in the running yourself…

I am in the call room when she takes ippon. I am shocked. Just think: apart from against me in 2019 in the final of the Tokyo Grand Slam and against the German Theresa Stoll, who was a category above her, during the mixed team event at the Tokyo Olympics, the only other time she had lost internationally was in 2016, in the final of the Tokyo Grand Slam, when she was sixteen years old… Next to me, right away, Totof tells me “Stay in your game, stay in your game”.

Indeed, this is typically the type of moment where you can lose focus…

In 2021 in Tokyo, I understood a truth: at the Olympics more than anywhere else, everyone can win and everyone can lose. That was true for Uta and it was true for me too, as a result. What I really didn’t want was to start telling myself: « that’s it, she’s not here anymore, the title is mine now. » That’s why, right away, Totof brings me back to the concrete of the present moment. And he’s all the more right because we both know that, on this day, I can’t really free myself.

The Japanese girl’s distress has gone around the world. How did you experience it, you girls of the category?

Personally, I was really sad for her, even though I also remembered that a few months earlier, she had had quite harsh words about her rivals – including me – in an interview, where she gave the impression that there was her and us, the « beggars » [She laughs]. This interview that JudoInside had relayed had really made us tick, to the point that we felt the need to send it to each other or at least to talk about it with Krasniqi and Ody [Giuffrida ed.]. This is typically the kind of thing that we use to motivate ourselves, between athletes… Was Paris a return of karma? Maybe. In any case, I am not worried: she is a great champion and I am certain that she will come back not only very quickly, but above all even stronger.

Beating the Olympic title holders of the U52kg category (Uta Abe) and the U48kg category (Distria Krasniqi) as well as the Frenchwoman Amandine Buchard at home in the semi-finals, it’s the golden day of the Uzbek World #1 Diyora Keldiyorova this July 28, 2024 in Paris. ©Paco Lozano/JudoAKD

So what about the Uzbek Diyora Keldiyorova, who beats Abe in the second round, who beats you in the semis and who, against all expectations despite her status as World #1, becomes Olympic champion? Did you expect her to be at this level?

As for me, this girl, right after the Tokyo Games, I said: « She’s going to be very strong« . At the time of the draw, I’m not going to lie to you, Abe not being seeded, we were all waiting to know in which quarter of the draw she would land. Well, when I saw that they were facing each other in the second round, I told myself that it won’t be a piece of cake for Uta. Keldiyorova, the year before in Tbilisi, she still stuck two waza-ari in two sequences to Distria Krasniqi from Kosovo. And let me tell you that it’s not given to everyone in the category…

And she confirms it: she goes all the way and becomes Olympic champion at 26. For you, is it the performance of a lifetime or do you see it lasting?

First of all, she has a boring and efficient judo. She’s someone who’s not there to make friends. She comes, she does her thing. In training she hurts and in competition she’s a bit of a robot but hey, on social networks and in front of the press after the podium she’s very smiley… She’s far from being the only one to have these two faces and to know how to distinguish between concentration times and lighter moments but, to answer your question, her strict and focused side on D-days means that I think we should see her again, yes.

She’s the one who knocks you out in the semi-finals… Even if you manage to remobilize for the bronze afterwards, everybody could see that it wasn’t the metal you were aiming for, especially with Uta Abe’s elimination earlier in the day. Is this individual Olympic bronze in 2024 one more important podium, or one less possibility of a Marseillaise?

Ultimately I’m happy about it because when I look back on the Olympic cycle I’ve had over these three years, frankly I’m happy to come home with a medal. So yes, of course, you know that when I enter a competition I go for the win. The title of individual Olympic champion is a title that is missing from my list of achievements, like that of World champion. Now, at these Games, I didn’t necessarily feel good. Fighting at home is both an opportunity and an increase in pressure. Fortunately there was the team gold. This one feels good, it’s true. Experiencing these emotions with teammates, being so united, is definitely a pleasure because each of us has done our bit and each of us has invested. We have made France proud and above all promoted French judo. But it doesn’t replace the individual gold. I say it bluntly: my priority and my goals have always been above all individual.

Six of the seven French starting women players in Paris were already there in Tokyo, the seventh being Margaux Pinot who became World champion in June in Abu Dhabi. Was this extreme stability a good or a bad thing, in hindsight?

I would say that it was a good thing. We all know each other very well. We have all experienced ups and downs together. High ups and deep downs, I would even say. We have all experienced the Olympics. We knew that we were expected at home and therefore that it would be really difficult to meet expectations. For Marie-Ève who hadn’t done them, for example, we tried to reassure her as best we could. Now I’m not in her head, I don’t know how she experienced this journey.

You said that on your side the sensations weren’t that great…

I felt the pressure. Really. We were told that too much. It was a duty to do more than an opportunity to seize.

And then I imagine that Audrey Tcheuméo’s outing on the networks a week before the Olympics didn’t help to relax the atmosphere…

Yes, Tchoum’s Scud didn’t help, for sure. Afterwards, I can’t help but understand her. She’s my friend, I felt bad for her. Many of us thought that she would even be called up in the first round of selections. Behind, they competed for several months with Madeleine Malonga and, in the end, it was Mado – that I also appreciate, that’s not the point – who was selected. It’s like Marie-Ève, selected for the Olympics, who was beaten by Margaux Pinot in the World Championship final, a few months before the Games. Three years earlier in Tokyo, it was the opposite, you have Marie-Ève, World champion before Covid, who is left on the floor and Margaux who goes to the Games… Complicated to manage, all amplified by the echo chamber of social networks.

How do you protect yourself from that, by the way?

I filter a lot. Anonymity allows a lot of gratuitous malice. I try to stay away from it as much as possible.

*August 12, 2024: « By not trying anything, you can also experience nothing » announces Amandine Buchard on social networks. #ImpossibleIsNotBubuche. ©DR/JudoAKD*

You recently announced a slightly crazy dual project that involves aiming for a double qualification for the 2028 Olympics in judo and rugby. This challenge reminds sports historians of the career of British tennis player Lottie Dod, five-time winner of the Wimbledon tournament between 1887 and 1893 while also being a member of the national field hockey team and silver medalist in archery at the 1908 Olympics…

Interesting, indeed… Well, let’s not lie to ourselves: in judo I’m more at the end than at the very beginning. I want to live this Olympics to the fullest, to be fulfilled. In rugby I don’t think I’ll have more opportunities in 2032 because in the end the years go by and the body changes. For the moment I’m still performing well and feeling good about myself but I don’t know what I’ll be like after 2028. So I told myself that it was now or never. That rugby could be a good complement for me, especially on the psychological side because it’s not always easy to assume this status of always being among the most decorated members of the French team, of being considered the safe bet. In the end, we get lost when basically things are done for us.

What do you mean?

What do I mean? Sometimes we feel so much pressure that we feel like we’re doing it for others, that we owe something to others. It adds a special pressure to us. This is now or never. I need this psychological balance, to have this resource activity. I tell myself that it’s also a way to relieve stress. I tell myself that in judo I will always have rugby on the side and vice versa. And I feel fulfilled in the way my weeks go. I have a new family in the world of rugby, a real family. It can only be a psychological plus because when I feel fulfilled, my thoughts are less scattered and I am efficient on the mat. It is a bold and risky bet. It makes me all the more dedicated to being the person I aspire to become. I am never better than when I have challenges and when I feel fulfilled.

And so it is not at PSG Judo that you are leading this adventure, but at the Stade Français…

Yes, they allow me to carry out this dual project and that is what I wanted. Afterwards, the club does not have the status of a high-level judo structure that would allow me to be supervised by them at Insep. So unless there is a revolution, my judo monitoring will depend 100% on the Federation, and therefore on the staff that will be put in place for the Olympiad.

In the fall of 2021, you spoke in the documentary Faut qu’on parle by Lyes Houhou and Arnaud Bonnin on Canal +, but also in an interview with Anouk Corge for L’Équipe Magazine about your difficult relationship with your mother, particularly because of your homosexuality. Where are you at, at the end of 2024?

I haven’t had any contact with my mother since 2019. When I see my sister, I don’t ask for news. The last time she passed me a piece of paper after Tokyo to congratulate me, but I didn’t follow up… I was closer to my father. He died in 2008, I was 13 and he was 42. He had sprained his ankle in judo which degenerated into phlebitis and then, following several medical errors, into a pulmonary embolism which was fatal. Did she hold it against me because he had started judo to do it with me? Maybe. In any case, from that time on, things became complicated between us.

What impact did these tensions have on your career? Was it an inhibitor or, on the contrary, an accelerator of performance?

In any case, it is probably what motivated me, from my teenage years, to not be at home at all. I would go and sleep at friends’ houses on the weekends. She tried to come back to me around 2014-2015, at the time of my first big performances in seniors. What I saw above all was that at the time when I needed my parents the most, I had neither. Or rather, I had one absent and the other who reproached me for this absence… Concerning my homosexuality, she only found out in 2018, when I told her about my partner at the time. She didn’t take it well and I regret it all the more because, following the Canal + documentary, there is Jérémy Clamy-Edroux the rugby player, one of the witnesses of the documentary, who explains that this viewing brought him closer to his father… For my part, making peace seems complicated to me because it went too far. In any case, as far as I’m concerned, I feel at peace on this topic because I started psychological work as a teenager. If life’s trials have taught me anything, it’s that as long as you can, you have to help yourself. That’s even where you should always start.

What would the Amandine of 2024 say to the one who, more than two decades ago now, tied her very first white belt around her waist?

I would tell that Amandine to be careful to surround herself with people she trusts. I would tell her to be strong in her head, in her choices, in assuming her opinions. Because otherwise… No one is better placed than me to know what I feel, what I need. I sometimes had trouble assuming that. I also know that on certain choices I should have listened to certain people, especially if they were hierarchically above me. In fact, you have to be able to balance things out. When I was younger, I often let things happen. Today I would say that you have to assert yourself more. Sequence after sequence, like in judo. It doesn’t matter if you make a mistake, at least you will have invested 100%. And always do things with love. With the head if possible but with the heart, always. That’s the key. – Interview by Anthony Diao, winter-fall 2024. Opening photo: ©Paco Lozano/JudoAKD.

A French version of this interview is available here.

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